Top 45 Funny Facebook Statuses in March!

       

                                  
1. *A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized

2. *birdy birdy in the sky dropped a poopy in my eye i didnt cry i didnt sigh i thank god cows cant fly.

3. *It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.

4. *Smart Man + Smart Woman = Romance . Smart Man + Dumb Woman = Affair . Dumb Man + Smart Woman = Marriage . Dumb Man + Dumb Woman = Pregnancy

5. *A succesful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A succesful woman is one who can find such a man.

6. *Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.

7. *If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

8. *Sometimes I find it helpful to ask myself: "What would a competent person do in my situation?"

 
9. *Free parachutes! No strings attached! Lifetime guarantee!

10. *What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake? "Must be an earthquake."

11. *Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked to, but if you press the wrong button..you will be disconnected!

12. *Gettin' married is like getting into a bath tub. After you get used to it, it ain't so hot.

13. *A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius.

14. *Pray for those who persecute you. Also, file a police report, obtain a restraining order, and press charges.

15. *My doctor told me to avoid unnecessary stress, so I didn't open his bill.

16. *We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

17. *Never get mad when you see your ex with someone new. Your parents always taught you to give your old toys to the less fortunate.

18. *"Doctor, I think I'm a yo-yo." "How are you feeling?" "I have my ups and downs."

19. *You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket...

20. *You people wouldn't exist if I weren't bi-polar." - Earth

21. *The lesser of two evils rarely wins the evil contest.

22. *Why does "new and improved" always end up "expensive and crappy"?

23. *A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would u do if u had to arrest ur own wife?" He said, "Call for backup."

24. *Did you know that "Dammit I'm Mad" spelled backwards is "Dammit I'm Mad?" ...Your mind = Blown.
 
25. *Why is a bra singular and panties plural?

26. *A wise person has something to say, a fool has to say something.

27. *Life is one fool thing after another. Whereas love is two fool things after each other.

28. *Finally realizing that Hotel California is about Facebook. "...you can check in anytime you like, but you can never leave...

29. *Hey, I just realized our problem. You're talking!

30. *The early bird gets the worm. The late worm gets to live.

31. *Women say they love a man in uniform but when I go clubbing in my McDonalds outfit none of them will even talk to me.

32. *Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
 
33.*I'm great at remembering names. I just don't remember which one's yours.

34. *I wish that Hallmark would make a card that says, "Sorry, what was your name again?"

35. *Mom: “I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but clean your room!” Son: “… what’s a record?”

36. *It’s really hard raising a child by yourself, I don’t know how my T.V. does it.

37. *f Harry Potter is such a great magician, why does he still not have 20/20 vision?

38. *A key ring is a handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.
 
39. *“In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, the oxygen masks will drop from overhead. For $15, you can activate it.”

40. *Mount Everest has WiFi? I guess if someone is going to freeze to death they should be able to tweet about it.

41. *High blood pressure, high cholesterol, high anxiety, high blood sugar… getting high is no fun at all at my age.

42. *I tried jogging once. I was walking the dog and he saw a cat.

43. *Twitter makes me like strangers I’ve never met and Facebook makes me hate people I know in real life.

44. *I’m ready to listen. Are you ready to think?

45. *Tectonic plates… The perfect gift for the couple who are drifting apart.